Married 40 some odd years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 Year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 60 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 Year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed……………

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t Come running to me.”

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”